You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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