Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
