and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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