i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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