he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
