I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
