i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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