Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize