Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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