So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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