i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
