why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
