based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
