sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Operation Purity has been aborted
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
