No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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