Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize