The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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