Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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