All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
