dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
