Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
