IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
