She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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