So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am naked and annoyed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
