She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sorry my hands just texted you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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