the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
