I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Found your dick twin last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
