I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let's get the cat blown out
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
