Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
