My nipple is on Facebook.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
