Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
