sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize