She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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