I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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