Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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