My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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