I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
