My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
