I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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