Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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