and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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