I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize