dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
