Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I could fuck to npr.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
