I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
