Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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