you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
