mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
