Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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