Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
