I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize