somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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