you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just googled if crying burns calories
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
