Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
