I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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