It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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