covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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