I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
