dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
