At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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