That's intense
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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