All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
