i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
