Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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