It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
