And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
