My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
