The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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