we were pretty classy up until the second keg
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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