Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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