I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
