I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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