Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
