PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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