she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize