mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We had sex on a dog bed..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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