have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
