I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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