cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
