he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
