Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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