waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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