Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My liver just had a heart attack.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
