Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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