i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
