My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
