She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
