if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
