Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
