At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
