i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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