the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this just has baby written all over it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
