just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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