He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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