one might say we're banned from that church
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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