Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
