now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
