Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize