Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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