mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
