Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
