she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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