yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
