so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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