Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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